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[19 Jun 2007|03:45am] my birthday was so amazing. i got the best boyfriend ever yeahh. :) iloveyou. ilove being here with him.. ah.. <33 CMNT

[08 Jun 2007|06:41am] i dont even know anymore. i dont want to get too attached because i could get hurt. and i could hurt, but i swear i wont do it this time because i really want this... i want this to work i dont want to fuck up again.. so please dont let me loose you, dont make me give up on you dont hurt me... i love you... CMNT

[07 Jun 2007|01:46am] my weekend started off good then saturday night i dont even remember i was so fucked up kinda thing and it was gay but i fcked up a lot this weekend but i still have one person in my life i can truely love. and i mean that to like seriously. i really have big feelings for him and always will and im glad i spent time with him tongiht , like i really got a chance to talk with him and figure out what i want and thats him and yeah i really want to be with him and hopefully i will be him just beeing in his arms for that time and him keeping me warm and his kisses and i could just fall asleep in those arms and we were standing and i miss his arms wrapped around me i miss him, and ill see him soon, and this week i work 30 hours CRAZY but thene next weekend after this wekend mike comes down from the uk for my birthday :D ! im so psyched!!!  ohohohoh friday i graduate!! im so excited!!! <33 i really love my lilfe and how things get fcked out then work out for the best. iloveyou! and i really mean that. <3<3<33 and i always will<3 CMNT

[01 Jun 2007|08:05am] SHE SCRATCHED, SHE SCREAMED STRUGGLING FOR SOME CAUSALITY AS HER LIFE SPILLED ONTO THE FLOOR, DESIRE FILLED MY HEART, AND I HELD HER IN MY ARMS UNTIL HER HEART HER HEART  STOPPED PUMPING THAT RHYTHM SHE THOUGHT FETISH WAS FUN UNTIL HER EYES STOPPED BLINKING AND THE BLAST-BEAT RHYTHM OF HER HEART HAD STOPPED. CMNT

[30 May 2007|08:52am] I had probably the best weekend ever. Well the best Thursday and Friday night ever,nothing went as planed but i had a really good weekend. Got to see Elise, then the beach and like a few other people and met up with Kevin at the playground basically sat and talked with him for hours and he didn't say a word because he was really high, ha. then the cops came and told us to leave so we did. And i was having a heart attack cus i get paranoid big time. then i worked all weekend and i got wicked sick so its kinda gay but whatever. This weekend plans go as followed, School Friday LAST DAY! :D! thennn i wait for heather to get out of work figure that out and then we go to Bangor area to see nick :DD!! and parttyyy I'm so psyched :DD!!! i'm kinda really fucking excited this weekend is going to be so sick. Hopefully i don't work Sunday so i can hangout up there longer but im betting i do work Sunday lol whatever if i do I'll always come hangout again if this time goes well if not then whatever wasn't meant to be. Anyways my eye itches and gray makes me look skinny i love this shirt. I have a cute pink one too I'm kinda excited i love clothes. :D Me and Megan are supposed to go shopping some time i really hope i get up to calling her because shes super nice and seems like an amazing shopping buddy. Minus the whole expensive shopping thing lolooll I need new shoes though so maybe I'll buy shoes or a new pair of sunglasses i seem to have chewed mine all up. I have bad habits. My mom and i got into a huge fight yesterday she made me cry so i called Kristyn to talk and balled my eyes out i feel like that was useless i feel like i have no one. Except when i talk to Kevin because out of all my friends he's the only one that actually listens and i do the same for him or try my best. Like yesterday Kevin called me so much and i look forward to my phone ringing knowing its him because i could be in the worst mood and he seems to bring me out of it, or he just listens and tells me he's always there for me and i don't know it just seems releaving some how. I don't know i kinda feel bad for him though because he helps me with all my stupid shit by talking to me but when he has his issues some how i don't even know what to say to him because i just suck and i try to tell him what i think he should do and like i don't know its hard for him and i feel like I'm not helping him any and i just wish i could help more because he has definitely helped me through so much. He kinda reminds me of Seth when me and Seth used to be close, seth could cry to me on the phone and like i'd just talk to him and and like i would talk for hours with him, and i remember this one time in schoool lastyear someoen said something about my dad and im an emotional wreck when it comes to that and i just balled my eyes out in themiddle of lunch, and seth was like i dont know really comfortingn hes like the big brother kinda thing he was just there and he said to me ill be your dad, and all this and wow i miss that seth so much seth made me who i am today like how im not so shy anymore how i can llike keep a convo going how i can make a boy like me without even trying liike wow i miss him and being bestfriends with him like that. id give anything just to see him now and just say thanks. i hate caughing its really stupidand sneezing and this stupiud cold is stupid and i just want to get rid of it. and last night i was so blah i cryed so muchand this week has really sucked so much someone siad somethign to me monday and it ruined my week and then tuesdaymy mom and i faught so bad.and todays my government final and nothigns going to gowell and im scared im so sosososooo scared. and i just feel like everythging was falling apart and lastnight i wanted to go back to my old ways its been almost two years and i almost went back i was so tempted. because eveerything was so bad, nd i couldnt handle it anymore, and i just cryed and i wanted to give up on everything and i just wantted to end it all and gah its jus i dont know some days id like to just up and end everythingbecause i feel likeim going no where. at all/. "Heaven's not a place that you go when you die. It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive So live for the moment. And take this advice, live by every word, Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard And live for the moment now." " No, heaven's not a place that you go when you die. It's that moment in life when you touch her and feel alive. So live for the moment. And take this advice, live by every word, Love's completely real, So forget anything that you have heard, And live for the moment now." what is there to believe every things fake every things different truths, nothings true if where all telling different stories, whats there to believe in. CMNT

[23 May 2007|07:58am] i got my cell fone back lastnight :) i called everyone that mattered in the order they matter to me :D Elise, then nick and so on those two people meann a lot to me. SERIOUSLY. I heard Elise was moving and that makes me really sad :( i hope she doesn't i'll tell her to move in with me insted because i dont want the only person that means something to me to leave, well my only friend that hasn't backstabed me. I really love that girl a lot she makes me who i am today and i love her for that. I feel really bad right now because the time Nick like was gone dissappeared kinda thing i didn't know where he was if he was ever coming back i was so confused and then stupid carlton came along and me i gave up because i thought this stupid "carlton" kid was like real or something, and yet i don;t even know if he exsists and what not but it doestn matter either way if he is real or not, i dont care anymore about him, because he is getting inbetween someone that means a lot to me and i am not guna let that happen anymore. i really really really really like nick a lot. im not guna lie my feelings for him get stronger and stronger as i talk to him and i can feel my self falling. And thats a good thing :D blahblahblah i love talking to him on the fone he makes me soo happy :D forrealls. and i look forward to his call tonight <3 get me this :D someone hahaha i need a new purse this is my birthday list :D i like all the colors :D the end i guess loloolll give me money for my tattooo and i will lovee you foreeverr i needaround 400$ side peice barbie :D CMNT

[21 May 2007|08:18am] neglected. thats how i feel. for the first time in the longest time i finally figured out one thing even i can fool my self with false smiles false happiness but in reality I'm breaking down no ones ever here anymore family wise i have nothing. so i leave nothing when i leave confused:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: but ill try this one out before i give up like i usually do i think he is worth the try.. oh gosh i hope so I'm sick of my games ___the end CMNT

[18 May 2007|01:03pm] skjgksdfgdbdjskbnjkgdfbjjkjn snfdujbmdm,jk blah. i hate not having a fone or a computer. blahblahblah. i get my cell fone back june 1st which is the last day of school which isssss when i go see nick :) ummsooo happy :]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it will be the best wweekend of myy life yepp gotta save my moneys so i can get up there to see him yay :) <333 CMNT

[15 May 2007|10:15am] [ mood | full ] so things are back to normal i guess.. Talking to nick again :) so that makes me happy because i really like talking to him a lot :) Talked to ex bf about things he doesnt really like relationships anymore. and said we should just befriends which is coool i guess. probably the best thing for right now and im okay with that. because i can just get over him somehow gahh but its good i have nick.  and i like to talk to him he is easy to talk to and thats good :D i like talking to him soososossosssosooo much, and he laughs at me and i tell him to shut up its cute. its a cute little crush i got on him its funn :D haha its a tablee lololololl on livejournal bahahahaha why am i so cool hahahaha totally had a school feild trip this morning to dennys FRENCHTOASTT mayynnn!! :) lolol @myteacher.  what are you typing? a journal entry,  something that no one sees but you online? yeah.. lol people read this i think? haha anywaysssssssssssss I like nick :) always have still will and im guna go up and  see him soonnnn yepyep come three weeks for the weekend & ill take heatherrrrrrrr cus i love her and we have sing alongs in the car :D and cd's rain like were in jamaka and the ice falls and the seas are rough and extreamly hot  jd hgjdfhg dhgldhjb i really do like nick and im guna try and make things work. and this summer ill make him come stay with me so i can spend as much time with him as possible :D and maybethings will work hes super cute and nice and stuff except for hitting old ladys YOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MEAN!! heheehhee BUT yeahh i like you nick a lot :D !  and im really guna try hard and make this somehow work :D  and it better because your deffently oneof those people that are worth my time forrealls i hope we click in person like we do when we talk on the fone and stuff :):):) 01CMNT

i miss [11 May 2007|10:02am] booface<4 CMNT

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